Knowing what you want but too afraid that if you pursue it you’ll fail.

Lately, and it seems more often than not, I have the opportunity to be present in a church service where the teaching speaks directly to my life. Often times, I don’t see how the message is relevant to me until the end.
Yesterday, my friend and the “Made to Pour” director at The Father’s House opened up the 3Words: Made For More series at The Father’s House with a message on the body of Christ and the part we play in it. As Christians a lot of us feel like the part we play doesn’t really matter, or that we are a vestigial organ in the body of Christ, while at the same time, in our own self-centered ness we feel like we play a vital part in the body and that without us the body can’t function.
Towards the end of his message Joe gave this example, and I’ll paraphrase because I didn’t right this down, but I wish I had. “Maybe you used to be a worship leader, and today you couldn’t enter in to worship because you were to busy criticizing everything that the worship leader and musicians were doing. Maybe you felt like you could have done it better. Just stop it.”
Man, that spoke right to me. I used to be a worship leader and I couldn’t enter into worship because I was to busy criticizing and noticing every flaw thinking that I could have done better. It’s such a crazy feeling to be in a room that seats 1300 people and feel like the spotlight is on you, and the only people present are you, the teacher, and God.
I feel like I was put on the shelf with a quick expiration date, and now I’m just watching other people do what I was called to do.
I need to get out of this rut. I need to re-develop the disciplines that I once had so that God can take me off of that shelf and use me for the things he has created me to do.
All of this means nothing if I do nothing.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV)

The last time I posted I wrote about how I was taking a break from ministry to get “unstuck.” I started my break in May. It is now September. I am back sort of, but I still feel like there’s some stuff I need to work through.

A lot of times I find it difficult to open up to people because I don’t think they’ll be able to relate to what I am going through, or because I feel like I’m supposed to be better than that because I’m a person of influence.

It’s difficult to remember that no temptation that has overtaken me is not common to man. This doesn’t mean that I should stop trying to not succumb to the temptations that cone my way, because God promises he will provide a way out, but it’s my responsibility to accept His help.

I just need to remember that I am not alone in this.

Why is it that as Christians, we know what we need to do to get out of a rut, but instead we choose to just dig ourselves deeper?
I’ve been spiritually dry for a long time now and I’ve just been making excuses why I can’t get out. It’s not that I can’t get out, it’s that I won’t get out. It seems that when we’re in a low place, it seems more attractive to stay there and continue on in our sin than too actually do what it takes to get out. It’s a lot of work. It will not be easy, it’s going to take discipline but I can’t continue on in this.
I’ve been taking a break from ministry with a goal of getting unstuck and falling in love with the creator again but I’ve been lazy. It’s been over a month now and I haven’t done a thing to work towards my goal.
Sometimes I think people can’t see past the bullshit and I tell them I’m doing fine and I’m just taking a break. Other times I realize that what I do in secret will come to light and I just need people to know I’m struggling.
I’m stuck in a rut and I need to get out. I’ve been digging my own grave for a long time now and it is too deep to climb out of on my own.
I need the right motivation. I need to just do what I need to do and stop coming up with reasons to stay here.

This is the music that some of my friends are creating. it’s pretty sweet.

evanthorpe:

Brand new video from my bud, Brad Kahler.  I have the privilege of playing guitar for him in the studio and on the road, as well as helping him out with some of the writing.

Working on raising some funds for the new album…this is just a teaser!  Feel free to reblog to help support the efforts.

Bradkahler.com for more info.

(via evanthorpe)

I love this song! I love Gungor’s approach to worship. This graphic is pretty cool too.

(via smeowlly)

werethecure asked: Yeah I don't think i've ever tried out the 69, ive tried the 72, that was the guitar I wanted for a long time before I found the deal on my tele. But for a while I've wanted a single coil guitar and the 69 seems kinda cool... Idk, i remember the 72 being kinda twangy almost so we'll see. It'd be a heck of a lot cheaper to build a regular tele as well if that's what I decided to do. I'm sure you don't care about any of this at all haha but i'm in electronics class and i'm really bored soo

Dude, are you kidding me! I love talking about gear. It’s like my favorite thing to talk about haha. Yeah The 72 is a little twangy. I’ve never tried the 69. I’ve never been good at building things and electronics but if you’re good at that stuff that’s pretty sweet. There’s a company that sells bodies and necks called Warmoth. A lot of companies and artists use them. The next tele I want is the 72 tele custom which is like yours but with the tele headstock and 1 single coil in the bridge position and a humbucker in the neck position. It’s a sick guitar. I think the next guitar i get will be a bigger semi hollow of some kind. I really want a Gibson ES-335 but I don’t have $3000. haha. 

It’s funny how the older you get, the less age matters, as far as friendship goes. I have some friends who are like 15 or 16, and then I have friends who are in their 30’s, some even in their 40’s, and it doesn’t matter anymore. I remember being like 12 in my old youth group and when the high schoolers let me hang out with them it was so cool. Now sometimes I forget how old some of my friends are. A lot of times I forget that I’m older than Sean and Kyle. I forget that a lot of my friends are in their mid to late 20’s. I wonder what other things will start to not matter anymore as I get older. 

I turned 21 yesterday. How did this happen so fast? It blows my mind how fast life goes by. We’re so busy all the time and we never really take the time we need to reflect. I’ve been trying lately to make room in my life to take that time. As I take that time right now, I’m trying to remember what the past 21 years have been like. I wish I had a more vivid memory of my past. I wish I started writing every day down from a young age. I only recently started journaling, because I never knew what to write. My friend Kyle bought me a journal recently because I didn’t have one, and I told him that I didn’t know what to write in it, so he told me to write everything, so that’s what I do now. I don’t want to forget what God does in my life. I don’t want to forget what happened at The Exchange. Although I may want to forget some of the things I’ve thought, said, or done that I’ve struggled with, I know I need to reflect on them as God delivers me from them so I actually realize what He is doing in me. 

Not real sure how I got to this from reflecting on being 21. It’s funny, my plan from a very young age was to be touring in a national band by the age of 18, and married by the age of 21. It’s funny how God has other plans for us. I’ve never been out on a date and I’m okay with that, because I know God has a plan for me. Sometimes it sucks, but you learn to get through it. 

It’s sort of weird though. I don’t have anymore birthdays to look forward to really. I mean, there aren’t anymore important ones. 

This post was extremely random but it’s okay because i think i have 2 followers so who really reads this anyway….